Previous today we dating a mexican woman had been chiming in for a forum thread about guidelines in polyamorous relationships. As a solamente individual, individual autonomy and obligation are necessary to any or all areas of my entire life. Therefore IвЂ™m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult guidelines to manage or restrict one another вЂ” which will be a big reason traditional monogamy does not work with me personally.
But I have developed some pretty rules that are important myself.
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Every one of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:
- Shared consideration and respect(exactly how we treat one another)
- Self and autonomy duty (how exactly we each look after ourselves)
- Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
- Joy (because otherwise, whatвЂ™s the point?)
These values give my relationship objectives: items that my collection of guidelines collectively seeks to quickly attain:
- Preserving integrity: being the type of individual I would like to be.
- Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
- Linking with other people with techniques which are significant, deep, and constructive
- Supporting, considering and respecting other people
- Feeling satisfied, fulfilled and happy
- Private development: continuing to master and develop
- Improving my energy and resilience
- Keeping stability and handling anxiety, pain and chaos within my life
Me explain why I have them before I get into my list of rules, let.
IвЂ™ve discovered, through experience, which they help me to be the ideal individual I am able to be. They assist make sure without coming at the expense of others, which in turn helps me be here better for others once they require me that we keep residing a life thatвЂ™s best for me personally. They assist me find out whenever a provided situation or relationship may or might not be a silly danger.
Each one of these guidelines is dependent on my very own personal experience with relationships and life, particularly being a polyamorous and solo person. ThereвЂ™s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is extremely relevant and personal in my opinion вЂ” your mileage, since constantly, can vary.
the important thing to these guidelines is which they affect me, not to ever my lovers. Finally theyвЂ™re about how precisely I make choices regarding how exactly to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.
I donвЂ™t need that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my criteria, or do things my method; but I really do would like them to comprehend in advance how I make choices about my relationships. ThatвЂ™s only reasonable.
These rules use whether or otherwise not IвЂ™m in an important relationship. And so they help me to make certain вЂ” whenever i actually do begin to go into relationships that include significant opportunities of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. вЂ” why these connections stay an excellent potential for being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or annoying.
So: they are my guidelines just; your mileage might differ. We provide these for example associated with the forms of individual guidelines or criteria that would be ideal for anybody вЂ” but particularly for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.
AggieвЂ™s guidelines for Aggie:
- Consideration and respect. We donвЂ™t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest a willingness that is clear tendency to take action. If individuals try this, IвЂ™ll inform them it is an issue. IвЂ™ll probably give them a few possibilities so long as theyвЂ™re perhaps perhaps perhaps not egregiously rude. However if a poor pattern (intentional or otherwise not) emerges within their behavior, IвЂ™ll distance myself. Likewise, we attempt to always respect and start thinking about my lovers and metamours. Me what they need, I try to listen, negotiate and give them what I can (or be honest if I canвЂ™t) when they tell.